Harry's Diary
by Jeeny
Summary: Harry's notes about Draco during his days at Hogwarts. Contains male pairing. HPDM
1. Saturday

Reclaimer: Characters are not mine, venues are not mine, terms are not mine.

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Chapter 1, Saturday

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_Saturday, 9.45 am_

_First sight of him during breakfast. Ate a toast and an apple. Note that he was wearing a blue shirt under his cloak. He usually wears only black and grey. Suited him. Note also that he took two glances in my direction. Really not sure why that made me turn my head away fast and blush. Must have been anger. But why don't I feel angry then?_

_Saturday, 1.02 pm_

_Met him in library when trying to study. He threw a few nasty remarks of my unsuccesful potion at yesterdays class. I teased him of his blue shirt. Felt somehow bad after saying it. He sat few minutes there and watched me do my homework. Then left without a word. That's not like him at all. Don't know what to think._

_Saturday, 5.02 pm_

_What is he up to? I caught him staring at me with a strange face at dinner. He didn't take his eyes of me even when I stared right back. He didn't even throw any nasty comments at Hermione when she dropped her plate and it broke with a huge noise. He left the Great Hall soon after that. He looked like he was deep lost in tought. It was strange, I almost run after him. What's wrong with me?_

_Saturday, 8.54 pm_

_I wonder what he's doing right now. He wasn't at the Slytherin quiddich-practise, I walked past the field with Ron and Hermione earlier. Might he be ill? I feel somehow responsible for it if he is, and only because of what I said to him about his jacket. I can't even do my homework. I'm just thinking about him and the look on his face on breakfast. Why does that bother me so much?_

_Saturday, 9.04 pm_

_I'm going to wisit the hospital wing to see if he's in there. I can't concentrate on anything in this state of mind. Don't know why this bothers me so much, this is Malfoy, he'd never feel bad for anything he'd said to me. But I must do this._

_Saturday, 9.44 pm_

_I went to see if he was in the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey told me he had been there but left just a few minutes ago. I ran down the stairs to the dundgeons and saw him walking in front of me. Suddenly I changed my mind and hid behind a statue. He didn't hear or see me. When he had disappeared behind the corner I turned around and half walked half ran the way to the Gryffindor tower. Can't believe I seriously tought I'd apologize to him. He'd have laughed at me._

_Saturday, 11.57 pm_

_Can't sleep. I only think of him and how great that shirt looked on him. The reason I turned and ran away was that I suddenly felt really nervous when I realized that I was about to talk to him when it was just the two of us in the corridor. I couldn't do it. How much I regret that now._


	2. Sunday

Reclaimer: Characters are not mine, venues are not mine, terms are not mine.

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Chapter 2, Sunday

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_Sunday, 5.23 am_

_Damn. I think I've slept only about three hours. But still, I can't sleep. Took a long shower after waking up and still it's not even half past five yet. Don't know what to do before breakfast, maybe I'll go and practise quidditch._

_Sunday, 7.50 am_

_Didn't go out, instead went to library. And I wasn't the only one there, there were actually three people already before me. Hagrid, Pancy Parkinson and some Ravenclaw girl. I glanced trough a couple books until I found a rather interesting one. It was a biography of some wizard who lived centuries ago. I don't actually know much about history's wizarding world, never really listened on professor Binns' lessons. Got to read it some day._

_After that went to breakfast. The Great Hall was pretty crowded considering that it was Sunday morning. Malfoy was there. He was wearing a black shirt. Felt bad. Maybe I will have to talk to him._

_Sunday, 10.29 am_

_Spent this time reading the book. It has turned out to be quite more interesting than I first tought. It tells a lot about the wizarding community in the 1700 century. It has proved much more better teacher than Binns, actually. But that is not all that it's about. The actual point of the book is that, well, that the wizard was one of the first public homosexuals in the wizarding public. He was the founder of the WOBC organization, Wizards Out of the Broom Closet. This made me feel a bit confused. And again, I don't know why. Maybe it's because the book has such an open aspect to this. It has actually made me realize that they are just as normal people as we all are._

_Sunday, 12.45 pm_

_We had quidditch practise, and we all sucked. Sucked bad. Now that we've lost all our good players, we can't find any new ones. So, we recruited couple third year and one fourth year students. I hope we'll get something out of this before the first match, which is actually against Slytherin. And of course that shows. The whole Slytherin team was there, watching our practise. They actually were so shocked that they couldn't even laugh. They just sat there and stared at us crawl and make a fool of ourselves. Even Malfoy was speechless. After the practise he came to me and earnestly told me he was sorry about our situation. He said he had enjoyed that there was an equal opponent. He even told me that he really hoped a miracle was going to take place. There was no malice in his voice or in his face. I have no idea how to feel about this! What happened to that vicious slytherin I've known for all these years? I'm feeling very disordered right now._

_Sunday, 5.44 pm_

_I feel horrible now. Completely horrible. Half an hour ago I went to the library to return the book because I already read it. The book was one of the greatest piece of works I've ever read, and it made me feel somehow easier and happier. The subject was so interesting that I tought I'd search for other books with the same theme, when I bumped into something I wish I hadn't seen._

_There, between two bookshells, I suddenly saw two people making out very passionately. That is not unusual in the library and I was about to just walk away quietly, but what caught my interest was that I noticed they were both guys. So, instead of politely backing off, I edged my way towards them. _

_They were so into it that they wouldn't have noticed me even if I actually had fallen against the bookshell out of shock when I realized who they were. There, in front of my eyes, were Blaise Zabini and who else than Draco Malfoy snogging each other senseless._

_Instead of falling against the booksell, I turned around and ran. Ran out of the library, all the way back to Gryffindor tower. How was it possible? Zabini and Malfoy? My blood begins boiling everytime I think of it. Somehow it makes me angrier than I've ever felt. What I'd really want to do is to beat Zabini to the point where he begs for mercy and promises never to lie a finger on Malfoy ever again._

_Sunday, 8.12 pm_

_I saw them on the dinner. They sat next to each other and acted like nothing had happened. When I observed them, Malfoy turned and looked straight at me. A huge wave of longing and loss went trough me and I was so afraid I'd start to cry that I didn't lift my eyes off my plate untill I had finished my meal. After that I went straight back to Gryffindor tower. I'm such a loser. No wonder he hates me. But why do I care so much, I'm not the gay one here!_

_Sunday, 10.34 pm_

_I went to bed early because I didn't feel like talking to anyone. I will never talk about this to anyone. This bothers me so much I would want to scream. All I can think of is that it should have been me, not Zabini. Every time I think of his hands caressing Malfoy's back... I want to kill someone._

_I really need to get some sleep._

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_I don't feel like writing this story anymore, I think it is very bad. So, I will not continue writing this unless someone really wants me to. Sorry._


	3. Monday

Let's see... If I really owned these characters, would I be writing on this non-paying wesite? For those who don't get rhetorical questions: No, I do not own them.

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Chapter 3, Monday

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_Monday, 7.22 am_

_I stayed up quite long and thought about everything. There's nothing wrong with Zabini dating Malfoy. I will be acting as if I saw nothing in the library yesterday. I will forget about him and his blue shirt. I will ignore these feelings storming inside of me every time I imagine him in my mind. I will ignore the urge to kill Zabini. From this moment on, everything will be exactly as it was last Friday._

_Monday, 11.32 am_

_Doing good. Didn't see him on breakfast. Might be because I had to focus on staring at the plate once I had seen Zabini. After that I had Divination. No Malfoys there. Feeling better already. What concerns me is the Potions class after lunch. But I will survive it._

_Monday, 4.56 pm_

_Damn the whole Slytherin house! Damn you Zabini! And most of all, DAMN YOU, DRACO MALFOY! You can all burn in hell as far as I'm concerned! Never am I ever going on another Potion's class again._

_Monday, 5.15 pm_

_Took a shower, feel a bit better now. Here's what made me so angry earlier. When I entered the Potion's class together with Ron and Mione, Malfoy was already there. Sitting with Grabbe, Goyle and ZABINI, of course. We walked to the table at the back of the class. I didn't lift my eyes from the floor for a second. The class started, and everything was going fine. Until Mione suddenly pushed me with her elbow. "Harry? Did you notice Malfoy's staring at you?" she said. I lifted my eyes and glanced at him, then quickly returned my eyes to my book. "Yes", I replied to her. Malfoy's look was so deep and thoughtful that it had revoked all my earlier decisions and efforts. What's wrong with that guy!  
We started making the polyjuice-potion. I was picking up some of the ingredients when a voice next to my ear whispered "Looking for these?" I jumped up so quickly I hit my forehead on a shelf. All the Slytherins started laughing wildly and Zabini yelled "What's that, Potter? Not hearing voices again, are you?" as I held my head between my hands. The Slytherins burst out laughing.  
Zabini was about to tell another lame joke about my condition when a voice said: "Leave it, Blaise." That silenced the whole Slytherin crew. I looked up and saw Malfoy standing next to me. He offered me a hand, but I ignored it and stood up on my own. He sighed and handed me a disgusting looking little bottle. "Here", he said. I looked at it for a while, and spit out "I would rather eat that and enjoy it than accept something you offer me during Potion class, Malfoy". He glared at me and tossed the bottle on a shelf. Then he turned his back on me and walked back to his seat.  
I hate Potions._

_Monday, 8.33 pm _

_Oh shit, I'm in deep now._

_Monday, 10.26 pm_

_I was wandering the schoolyard around 6 pm, when I bumped into Malfoy. I was about to ignore him, but he kept stepping on my way until I stopped and stared him in the eye. He's eyes were examining and thoughtful. He stared at me a while, until he finally opened his mouth.  
"You've been acting all weird on me today, Potter", he said. I turned my eyes away and stared at the forest. He stayed quiet for a while. I started getting all nervous with his grey, observing eyes staring at me perfectly still.  
"Harry", he then said, with a deep, low voice. I felt my body shaking. I felt like I had never heard anything so beautiful, and all he had said was my name.  
We stood there staring at each other for a long while, and the air between us felt electrified. Suddenly a scream broke the air. We both turned our heads quickly towards the voice, as if the spell had been broken. Ron was running towards us yelling and screaming. Malfoy quickly turned back to me and pulled me closer. Really, really close. "Potter," he whispered and then looked a bit hesitating. Ron got closer all the time, and Malfoy glanced at him. Then he looked at me again. Deep into my eyes. My whole body was shivering.  
"I find you very attractive", he whispered quickly. Then he stepped away from me, turned around and half walked half ran towards the castle Ron rushed to me and asked if I was okay and if Malfoy had hurt me or something. I told him I was okay and just needed to rest, and we came back here, to our dormitory. Have spent 4 hours now just lying here and staring at the ceiling. My mind is totally empty and full at the same time. What am I supposed to do?_

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Bah, this isn't getting any better. Anyway, review and I'll possibly continue. It's not like I had something better to do._  
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